What To Say In Personal Messages When Sending Strategic Facebook Friend Requests

by Scott Bradley on September 11, 2010

Facebook Friend Request

In my previous post about the most common facebook friend requesting sin I always see people make, I mentioned that I would eventually share how to effectively write the personal message in your friend request to increase the likelihood that the person on the receiving end will quickly accept to help you start building a powerful facebook network.

If you remember in the post linked above, I was highlighting that those who do not use personal messages in their friend requests are shooting themselves in the foot, and are leaving a ton of money on the table long term.

Not only that, but even worse, they are probably being ignored on purpose, as I also illustrated and shared what I typically do with the friend requests I receive who don’t put a personal message.

Here is the exact formula to use when crafting your message when you send a friend request to someone in facebook to give it a fighting chance to rise above the clutter helping you quickly create lasting relationships.

Part 1: Introduce Yourself

“Hi John my name is Scott”

Why put this?
It is important to note that by putting the person’s first name at the first part of your message, it lets them know psychologically that you took the time to write the message instead of copying and pasting it to other requests that you sent out.

Part 2: Tell Them Where and How You Found Them

“Hi John my name is Scott, I found you after seeing you reply to one of my friends facebook status updates, and I really enjoyed what you had to say about the recent changes in google.

OR

“Hi John my name is Scott. My friend Terry mentioned to me you were definitely someone worth connecting to.

Why put this?
It is important to note that after letting people know your name, and then sharing with them how you found them, your friend request has context in the other persons mind, and has a way of letting the other person know you aren’t some creep with a secret agenda or scrupulous plan. Just make sure what you put is in alignment with what you want to send out.

Part 3: Connect With Them on Some Level To Build Rapport Quickly

“Hi John my name is Scott. My friend Terry mentioned to me that you were definitely someone worth connecting to, and I see from your profile you are interested in internet marketing and online business. I am passionate about these two things as well as I have my own company in the same niche!

Another Example…

“Hi John my name is Scott. My friend Terry mentioned to me that you were definitely someone worth connecting to, and I see from your profile picture that you have two children. I love kids and plan on having 5 after getting married but I am not quite there yet!

Why put this?
When you add the personalized touch in your friend request, it shows the other person that you are in fact real, and are actually interested in getting to know them as the person they are. Sharing something personal about you before they share something personal about them is the name of the game to ensure the highest likelihood that they accept your request quickly!

Part 4: Ask a Question and Close it Out

“Hi John my name is Scott. My friend Terry mentioned to me that you were definitely someone worth connecting to, and I see from your profile you are interested in internet marketing and online business. I am passionate about these two things as well as I have my own company in the same niche! How long have you been in business and what do you like most about what you do? I look forward to your reply.

Best,
Scott

Why put this?
By closing your friend request out with a question it gives those individuals that you are sending a request to the opportunity to reach out to you to continue the conversation further. Plus one thing to also note is that if you have ever read “How To Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie states that people always love talking about themselves, so by doing this you are giving them the opportunity to talk first before they ask you what it is that you do.

Now don’t get discouraged!

If they don’t respond, they just aren’t that serious or have a VA managing it for them…which is their loss in my opinion. Keep putting out the value and the cream will rise to the top.

Here is the best part…

Of those who do respond, you will be amazed at how fast you can start to build rapport with them immediately!

I have story after story where I have done this like clockwork over and over again. Sometimes it leads to an immediate phone conversation, and for other requests I send it leads to new clients.

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Quick Tip: Make sure you have your facebook profile positioned in an appropriate manner with a clear call to action for those who visit it for the first time. There is a high likelihood that when you send a new friend request to someone, and they don’t initially know you, the first thing they will do is look at your facebook profile. If it is not up to “snuff” or positioned properly, you can kiss any potential business from that person goodbye!

—–

In the end the only thing you can control is the action that you take, the way you position yourself and who you choose to add as a friend. In taking this specific action of sending requests with custom personalized messages, have faith that it will work as you continue to look for the right people to add to your facebook network.

In a future post I will be sharing with you the exact process I follow after individuals accept my request, ensuring that the connection that is created continues to evolve over time…leading to referrals, new clients and more close friends than I know what to do with. So subscribe to the RSS feed if you haven’t already, so you don’t miss out on the high value content! You can also get updates via e-mail.

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The Bottom Line: When writing your personal message be sure to tell the person who you are, how you found them, relate to them in some way, and then ask them a question to lead the conversation to the next step.
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }

Devesh September 11, 2010 at 2:13 PM

A little name dropping is something that has helped me get accepted inside the networks of some very established and high profile folks that I didn’t know personally or have had a chance to meet yet. Something like – “I see we have quite a few solid common contacts (including XYZ, ABC, and EFG) between you and I and we could be great direct connection, as am sure we both would add great value to each other’s network”

Why this works and one caution…
Name dropping works because you almost instantly develop a certain trust and relation because its like saying “oh I’m already friends with so many of your friends”. Be careful while dropping names and drop only the ones who you know would remember you and give a positive comment if they are asked about you

Reply

Scott Bradley September 21, 2010 at 10:25 AM

Devesh great point! Thanks for the comment!

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Mandee Widrick - Social Media Manager September 12, 2010 at 6:32 PM

GREAT info, Scott. I never used to put anything in the message box when I would send friend requests to people I didn’t personally know. I was ignored quite a bit. :) I do it regularly now and it works as well as you say. I only wish more people would write messages to ME now when they send requests!

Mandee

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Scott Bradley September 21, 2010 at 10:25 AM

Thank you Mandee! I appreciate your comment!

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Milosevic September 27, 2010 at 1:41 AM

“I see from your profile picture that you have two children. I love kids and plan on having 5 after getting married but I am not quite there yet!”

Are you having a laugh? That’s a good way to come across like a stalking paedophile nutter. Quick straw poll in the office shows that this message would be considered pretty sinister by most.

Reply

Scott Bradley October 16, 2010 at 8:07 AM

No laugh. Just an example and model people can work with to construct their own custom message. And if you are wondering I have not ever sent a message like this. It was just for illustration purposes for the post. Thanks for your comment!

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rebeccahappy October 16, 2010 at 5:59 AM

What a well constructed description of the perfect process. I am still surprised at how many people don’t out any effort into introductions.

I will be sharing this post for my offline friends who are now newbie in the space.

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Scott Bradley October 16, 2010 at 8:06 AM

Thanks for your comment Rebecca! I appreciate you sharing this with your offline networks!

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Sahil February 11, 2011 at 2:40 AM

Hi Scott, This is a nice read and very helpful.

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Scott Bradley February 11, 2011 at 2:21 PM

So glad you liked the post Sahil! Hope you are having a great day!

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Charles Burleigh October 13, 2011 at 12:39 PM

Scott,

This information is great, however, with the new 2011 changes, I can’t find the option to add a personal message! I’m frustrated, because like you, I don’t believe in sending a friend request to a total stranger, without letting them know who I am and why I feel we should connect.

As a work around, I’ve been sending a message that introduces me, then adding, “Please accept my forthcoming friend request.”

Any ideas how to add a personal message with the new Facebook changes?

Thanks,
Charles

Reply

Scott Bradley October 15, 2011 at 9:20 AM

Charles,

Thanks for your comment. The way you are doing it, is the way I would recommend. One other thing to consider is to instead just “Subscribe” to them so you can still get their updates without being a friend.

Let me know if you have anymore questions!

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MasonRyan December 28, 2011 at 4:14 PM

Good one Scott. Now I have 776 friends on Facebook and I know them all!! Thanks.

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june nws December 30, 2011 at 11:39 PM

useful advice Scott
But at times even on keeping an account of all the above mentioned points in our friendship request,people still find us cold and creepy,what should be our response then….??

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Deepak Kr. Das January 7, 2012 at 10:33 AM

HI Scott!
My name is Deepak. I just found your site while browsing for some online marketing strategies last week. I must say that you have a very good and straight to point content on your site. I have visited your site 10 times with in a week.
thanks for providing valuable insights about online marketing and keep up the good work.

Reply

Elton July 2, 2012 at 11:22 AM

Hi, do you have any idea why Facebook remove the personal message when sending a friend request?

Reply

Scott Bradley July 12, 2012 at 6:38 PM

Nope. No idea!

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